Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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