I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
