i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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