Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
