We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
