Will you blow on my dice?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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