Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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