If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As shirtless as possible
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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