Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
