You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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