Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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