I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We had sex on a dog bed..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
