she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
