Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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