Quick, to the slutcave!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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