I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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