can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
