yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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