so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
