I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it glows. i had to have it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
