i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
