I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
