Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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