Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
