so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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