my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
where are my eyebrows?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize