Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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