im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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