Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
