You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
