Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
