I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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