girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
