I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
