C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
