is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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