so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
