i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
