Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
