it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
