Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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