we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
