Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
