i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
