I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
