i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
