I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize