My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
