i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
