and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
