i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
