I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
