Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
