there's paper in my vomit.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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