are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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