There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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