She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
