Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
