bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Alive.
So much puke
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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