I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
