Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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